After an explosive season four, The Real Housewives of Potomac positioned itself as Housewives royalty, ranking alongside the franchise's banner cities: New York, Beverly Hills, and Atlanta. RHOP outshined OG ‘the O.C’ with nearly double its ratings. It’s time to call a Karen Huger-style ‘reading conference for reading’, with anti-Karen t-shirts aplomb, Baby-in-a-Suit Assistant Matt™ in tow, and dish line item by line item of all the drama ahead. It's time for a detailed breakdown of season five of ‘Gizelle and Karen’s Collection of Guest Disagreements at an Australian Grill’.
It’s important to preface this latest season by respectfully pouring one out for one Miss Katie Rost and her menagerie of errant guinea wigs. This ‘friend-of’ (and former OG, on occasion) visited said collection of disagreeable guests throughout season four but (sadly) is no longer with us (in reality TV parlance - her wigs died years ago). Entering the scene as a brand-new housewife is Wendy Osefo“. She is a Nigerian-American political commentator and public affairs academic and assistant professor at Johns Hopkins School of Education”, and this is a sentence viewers will relish, watching Ms. Huger's Muppet eyebrows reach the Gods. Like all of Jim Henson’s gorgeous creatures, Ms. Karen will once again be bringing back much of her mugging, as well as half-asleep alternative views on local Gizelles and Gizelle sympathizers.
Speaking of Gizelle (a glamazon activist princess we don't deserve), much of the drama surrounding her this season seems to unfortunately be…. rather grounded. Ms. Bryant has decided to side-step the opinions of her children and dip her toes back into the icy lakes of Ex-Husband. Why choose a lake when the ocean is boundless? Have you ever seen a lake? It is bound! Have you ever seen Bound? It’s great! Gizelle is a rare one, somehow managing to never have much going on in terms of personal drama, while always at the center of RHOP drama. She's a true black belt in the art of pot-stir-age, despite never reading the recipe. As always, said recipes are available for purchase at KarenHuger.net/parfum-du-harm with all proceeds going towards buying giant funeral suits for tiny baby gays.
Once again, we’re scarfing down too many vegetables and not enough meat - we’re working our way up - which means we still have to get through this real turnip of a story “arc”: Robin and Juan, who have decided to… get back together. Conjuring such questions as: “Okay?”, “Sure?”, “I thought you were?” and “Him?”. Kudos to them for planting the seed in season one, and then drawing it out at such a glacial pace that we didn’t have to faff about with any other of the typical RH familial storylines like ‘assorted child tween debuts’, ‘domain name christenings’ and ‘look, I sell hats now’. It’s nice to see Robin in the same place she always is: flight re-ticketing.
Next up is, of course, the beef of the century, Captain Monique Sparrow (she bought a bird) vs Princess Entitlement, Candiace Dillard. Dusting off the fresh hot dirt from last season, this Real Housewife continues to yank her own toy string, much to the ambivalence of the rest of the guests at Potomac's Australian Grill and Grope. Candiace’s witchery continues to draw grim looks from Hermione. You can’t cast a Patronus if you don’t have one. She doesn’t so much as throw shade as she dumps it. This season, she’s looking to level-up and rile up Ace Ventura Pet Detective, Monique Samuels (She. Bought. A. Bird.). If you watched last season you know this won’t end well.
In fact, the upcoming RHOP teaser goes dark fast, as the cast appears to call out Monique for resorting to violence and accuse her of perpetuating stereotypes against Black women. The rumors swirled about the incident last year when both were charged with second-degree assault. After the alleged incident, each filed a complaint against the other. We’re guessing The Dillard yanked her pull string one too many times. We’re not here to pick sides but you also can’t complete your Uber Eats order without doing so.
Which finally brings us back to the dinner table at ‘Australia’s Not-Yet-Outback’. Ashley Darby and her handsy husband of unique Pan-Pacific greetings are once again showcasing their marital issues to an astonishingly public degree. One wonders if all the gay gossip is coming from inside the house. It’s been season after season of Ms. Darby protesting too much about her husband's voracious appetite. That's a consistently ‘blegh’ trope in these shows. See also: Ms. Judge, Ms. Vanderpump, and Ms. Aydin - we’re not saying their husbands are gay, we’re saying we don’t care. In the case of Mr. Darby there certainly seems to be smoke; the question is whether the rumors are amplified for their own benefit, or if he’s just… well, a horny old dingo.
As we return to shuttered ‘Oz’, it looks like The Real Housewives of Potomac is about to serve up a stellar sequel to last season. Season five is usually the apex of any show firing on all cylinders, so let's hope they don’t disappoint during the pandemic. We have many questions, such as, why does Monique have a bird? Will Robin ever arrive at a location? Does Assistant Matt get paid in parfum? We want answers, preferably from Aughra herself, protector of Thra AKA ‘Our Lady and Patron Saint of Avoiding Answering any Question Ever Asked of Her’, one Ms. Karen Huger. Are you psyched for more RHOP?
from ScreenRant - Feed https://ift.tt/2W77Jjw
0 Comments