Tales from the Crypt is one of the most beloved anthology horror shows of all time, and here's how every episode from season 1 ranks, worst to best. TV history plays host to many worthwhile horror anthology programs, but Tales from the Crypt, due to airing on HBO, was one of the first to offer the same kind of R-rated content to its viewers that they might see in the latest theatrical horror film. Whereas horror on TV had to be edited for content before, Tales from the Crypt was allowed to indulge in blood, gore, nudity, and swearing.
In that way, Tales from the Crypt at its best was almost like getting a new short horror movie every week, sent directly to one's home, and unencumbered by mandates about what was appropriate to show on television. Of course, in the age of streaming, that concept being a novelty seems almost quaint, but back then, it was definitely a change of pace.
Tales from the Crypt would go on to become a huge hit, with its host character The Cryptkeeper becoming a pop culture icon. The series would run for seven seasons and nearly 100 episodes, most of that run being quite good, although the last season was produced overseas on a noticeably lower budget. Without any further ado, here are all six episodes of Tales from the Crypt season 1, pitted against each other in a deathmatch. Season 1 isn't Crypt's best season, but it nicely set the stage for all the greatness to come after.
While Tales from the Crypt season 1 consists of only six episodes, none of them are bad, which is a pretty great success ratio. "Lover Come Hack to Me" was the fifth to air, and centers on a pair of newlyweds, Charles (Stephen Shellen) and Peggy (Amanda Plummer). After car issues strand them, the two walk to a nearby house, which appears to be empty. Charles has been planning to kill Peggy and inherit her family fortune on their honeymoon, but Crypt's customary twist reveals Peggy isn't as innocent as she seems. It's a fine, perfectly watchable episode, but Shellen's performance is a bit weak, and the twist is way too easy to predict. Plummer is good as usual though.
"Only Sin Deep," the fourth episode to air, employs two tropes Tales from the Crypt would get a lot of mileage out of: gold-digging - such as with "Lover Come Hack to Me" above - and narcissistic vanity. Back to the Future's Lea Thompson stars as the obviously named Sylvia Vane, who "sells" her looks to what she believes is a crazy pawnbroker so she can use the money to woo a rich man, only to realize too late that the deal is literal. It's another fine, decent enough episode, and what happens to Sylvia in the end is satisfying. The major flaw is Thompson's ridiculously bad attempt at a New York accent, which makes many of her lines unintentionally funny.
"The Man Who Was Death" was the very first Tales from the Crypt episode to air, and sets the tone for the show as a whole well. William Sadler stars as Niles Talbot, who works as an executioner at the local prison. He loves his job, way too much in fact, and when his government abolishes the death penalty and puts him out of work, Niles goes off the deep end. He becomes a vigilante, "executing" anyone he feels escaped justice. Naturally, this makes him a murderer, and it's only a matter of time before he gets a taste of his own medicine. Fittingly, Sadler would go on to star in Demon Knight, the first Tales from the Crypt movie.
"Collection Completed" served as Tales from the Crypt's season 1 finale, and it's a great example of the show at its best. Prolific character actor M. Emmet Walsh plays Jonas, a man forced into retirement that soon discovers his lonely wife Anita has an alarming habit of adopting stray animals. There's nothing wrong with being an animal lover, but Anita goes too far, and it's not hard to understand Jonas' annoyance, even if he is a huge jerk. That's until he decides to take up a new hobby, taxidermy, crossing the moral event horizon. This is exactly the kind of person Crypt delights in giving their comeuppance, and Jonas gets a great one.
Taking the penultimate spot on this ranking is the third Tales from the Crypt episode to air, "Dig That Cat… He's Real Gone." Joe Pantoliano stars as Ulric the Undying, a carnival attraction who rakes in big bucks by literally dying and coming back to life. He's able to do this thanks to submitting to an experiment by a mad scientist that gives him the nine lives of a cat. The problem is, Ulric is extremely greedy, and his math skills aren't the greatest. Pantoliano, as seen with characters like Cypher in The Matrix, has always excelled at playing despicable scumbags, and he's as great as one would expect here. The final twist is predictable, but it's so well-done that most probably won't mind. This is another example of season 1, and Tales from the Crypt, at its best.
There was only one real contender for the top of this list, because as good as the rest of season 1 is, "And All Through the House," the second episode to air, might be the best Tales from the Crypt episode of all time. Everything works, from Goonies mom Mary Ellen Trainor playing against type as a wife who kills her husband on Christmas Eve, to prolific character actor Marshall Bell as her extremely unlikable spouse, and of course including Larry "Dr. Giggles" Drake as the scariest ax-wielding Santa around. The ending is terrifically satisfying, Crypt's sense of black humor is in full effect, and everything adds up to a half hour that's just as fun today as it was in 1989.
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